8. Playing the Victim:

The Leftists love nothing more than to play the victim, especially when they are accused of being the origin of an attack or anti-social behaviour themselves. Take the example of a Leftist blogger recently stating himself that people thought he was a "stalker and nutter". As soon as he received a rhetorical threat from an opponent out came the violin and handkerchiefs. No longer was he the aggressor - he was the victim. The Leftists love nothing more than to paint their rightist opponents as the nasty aggressors. The Tory Party is the ultimate "nasty" party and they are its victims. The icing on the cake for any leftist playing victim is to call the police on their opponent. Even if the opponent is guilty of nothing, the fact that a diligent policeman will investigate and likely speak with the opponent is the ammunition the leftist required to legitimise their victim status. "I was the victim. Look - the police went round to visit my opponent - no smoke without any fire, eh?" The Leftists are still leagues behind their Islamist friends at playing the victim. Extreme Islamists with British passports can be caught fighting against British troops in Afghanistan and sent to Camp X Ray only to become "victims" of torture by Britain. (Of course the solution would be to put them back out on the battlefield and count to ten.)

9. Network of friendly media:

No-one, save the Islamists, have a network of blogs like the Leftists - all designed to make them look bigger than they really are. By attacking an opponent on one blog, the story can magnify by being simultaneously dispatched to dozens of other leftist blogs around the worldwide web. A different take on the story can then be reported back with a different angle back across the same network like a Mexican wave, which only runs out when a story - which would have taken a mainstream publication one article to write - has been replicated several times and reprinted hundreds of times in often different ways. Like Chinese Whispers, "Tory associated with attending football matches" can become "Tory meets Casual United Football Thugs" within a couple of waves. The only problem for the Left is that an undeniable statistical count shows very few people read their media. Search engine optimisers within the leftist friendly media network are therefore their kings - if you can't be noticed by the mainstream, at least you can come first on a Google search for a particular opponent's name or theme. The Leftists love to use the Islamists' websites to further disseminate their wares - the Islamist Leftist compact makes both sides feel that more people are watching.

10. Looking like shit:

The Leftists have realised they can get away with being a great deal nastier if they look like scruffy, ugly anoraks (take the example of the tank-top wearing specimen pictured) and, even better, have filthy looking house pets (the rat is most popular). By somehow looking like crap the Leftists feel that they can more speedily achieve the status of victimhood and when they break the law there will be less of a will for the authorities to come after them, as they already seem to have a crap life. Council houses, dodgy anoraks, decree nisi's, NHS specs, state aid, sartorial catastrophe and bad skin are requisites. Beat-up people carriers and Yugos are preferred vehicle types. Leftie haircuts can be achieved with a razor and a salad bowl. All photographs of Lefties socialising must include them with a pint of ale or a mug of extra value tea. Steaks and roast dinners a big no-no - meals to be garnished with nuts and stale bread. Partners must be as ugly if not uglier than the Leftist themselves - preferably androgynous with facial hair and a whiff of body odour. Conditioners and mousse forbidden - grease and oil promoted. Leftists must look like shit or they are not true lefties - looking good means that society has prospered in spite of the existence of Thatcher and Blair and true leftists can't be having any of that.

Britain's leftists are a tiny minority. You can find them hiding online behind monikers at websites such as the "Ministry of Truth" (think Monty Python) and Septic Isle. Many like to hook up with an abstract - religion, art, anthropology - and use the abstract as shield behind which they can throw their leftist grenades at opponents to the right of them. If you come across a Leftist in the street, just cross over. If one shares a train carriage with you, hold your nose. If you find your neighbour is a Leftist, move. Should you ever come under attack from one, find out how much they are worth, appnt lawyers if they own their own house and search the Yellow pages for fumigators on the off chance that they have to give it to you after a court judgement turns up in your favour.  

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